Wednesday, December 10, 2014

A different kind of change.

Today ended began a major chapter in my life.
After today things are going to be different. 

That's okay. I like different. I really do.

In fact, for a lot of my life, change was an escape. I ran when I got scared or hurt or lonely or mad. I'd find a way to make some "major change" and it would distract me from all the emotions I didn't like to feel. 

This change, is nothing like that. 
This time it's different.
This change I'm not forcing. I'm not running from anything. This time I'm running toward something. This time I'm not trying to slam the door shut behind me. I'm not changing my phone number and filing change of address forms and cutting people out. Instead, I'm opening doors. In fact, I'm even leaving them wide open behind me because I'm no longer scared of what's back there. I rarely glance over my shoulder but when I do, I smile because of what I see. I see well-spent time and lessons-learned and genuine happiness.

Mostly though, I'm facing forward. Beside me I have Levi, the father of my child, the one embarking on this journey with me, the one who I know I can lean on when I come up short, and the one who constantly fills my bucket with love and intuitive support. I have my parents who find a way to be there every time I need them. I have my sister and extended family, and Levi's family lifting me daily and giving me endless examples of people I can't wait for our little girl to want to emulate. I have friends and familiar faces checking in regularly and making me feel capable and important. I am so blessed. 

So yes, everything is changing. I'll be home a lot more. My bank account will stop growing for a time. My focus will shift and now I'll be busy with my Love preparing with him to welcome our little girl. But no, I'm not scared. My heart is at peace and my mind is clear. Or at least, as clear as it can be. 

I am 29 weeks pregnant, after all!

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